Life changed so little, yet so much
By YUAN XUE
The only thing promised in life is change. An individual, a community, the society, the zeitgeist, the course of the world – nothing stands alone, and everything constantly changes.
The ability to cope with change is a valued character trait. Last year, COVID hit hard and brought drastic changes to the whole world, from international relations to our own daily lives. It is the first time I truly understood what it feels like to be powerless.
For me personally, the changes were mostly to my mindset. My dormitory-living experience started when I was 12, in middle school. I did get to see my mother every day, since she taught at the school, and I was only in the dorm four nights a week, but I got used to living at school, on my own.
Since I started attending high school in another province, Saturday night phone calls with my parents have been the custom – and thanks to the fast development of technology, phone calls soon turned into video chats. It definitely made me feel closer to them, seeing their faces and our home. And since I have been staying connected with my family virtually for 15 years, it made almost no difference for me when lockdowns started. Regular chats as usual.
However, a recent video call made me notice a change.
It was on Lunar New Year. I noticed that the video chat was on, but we were not talking for a couple of minutes, which rarely happened. We were just watching the live New Year’s Eve show, as if I was sitting on the couch with them and we were silently enjoying each other’s company.
That moment made me realize how childish I was when I thought I was so good at coping with not being at home. Longing for family’s company may change, but it will always become stronger.
With lockdowns and social distancing, virtual operation has taken over a huge part of our daily life. Anxiety from the Internet gets to everyone. For me, the first month of lockdown was the worst: Every day, waking up to news of positive case numbers soaring, groceries and life essentials in short supply, hate crimes against Asians and Asian-Americans.
It really felt like the world was falling apart and we could do nothing to stop it – even though, in my reality, all of my friends and family were fine. As a result, at a time of everything moving online, I learned to have periods staying off line, and to experience the cliché-yet-powerful improvement of mental health.
One positive of going virtual is how much I enjoy working out at home. Granted, I miss the access to different equipment in a gym. But working out at home has helped me to finally get rid of the useless feeling of competing with other people, the pointless worries over people judging me – at home, I’m competing with only myself, and I fully notice every improvement and new strength.
Again, a change of mindset – but a powerful one, and one that has given me the most motivation.
Last year, COVID put a halt on everything, including research. Many facilities are still temporarily shut down, and even after they re-open, lab access remains limited. For my own research in material science and my work at the ThINC facility, every experiment has to be done in the lab – and consequently, last year, everything stopped.
It was a time for me to reflect on my career and future goals. Except work that could be done digitally from home, it was so tempting to spend all my downtime on Animal Crossing. It’s great fun and made me feel connected to friends, by I knew I need to stay progressive.
Instead, I decided to continue learning about the instrumentation we house at ThINC. I found quite a few resources from the manufacturing companies and signed up for their online workshops. I learned operating theory and design and different applications in various fields of research.
This has really helped me keep thinking and given me new inspirations for my own research. When I went back to work in the labs in July, I found it easier to work with other users on metrology development.
The lockdown has given me opportunity to reflect and process. And I found I could continue to seek out the silver lining, even in the darkest times.
It feels totally cliché when people say that “it’s all different with a simple mindset change.” The truth is, your life indeed can change a lot, but appear unchanged at all. This crisis has given me a taste of the power of a mindset change.