Work, Life … Balance? It’s there, somewhere

By PETER DONNELLY

We all struggle, at some point, with balancing commitments to work and family. And everything else. I’m certainly no exception.

As I transition into a big, new economic development role, I’m very excited to get to work with the team. There’s tremendous opportunity and we have strong capability, and so many good projects, some of them demanding immediate attention.

I’m even more excited to be a new dad, with 3-year-old and 5-month-old boys. They’re wondrous and magical, bringing happiness in so many ways. They’re also demanding and exhausting.

Throw in smart, capable, ambitious working wife Su, and we have an excellent example of being over-committed. How do we find the balance?

There’s no magic bullet. Some things work, some don’t. What works for me might not work for you. But here’s what works for me.

By far, the most important step for me is maintaining perspective on what’s important in the larger scheme – or, perhaps more accurately, constantly trying to find that perspective, then maintaining the right balance of commitments.

The answer is different for all of us. It also changes over time. For me, now with two small boys, I certainly have a very different combination of priorities where I wish to devote time.

I’m certainly at my worst when I allow myself to get stuck between choices, looking at a range of options and not making a decision. Exacerbating this problem, it also frustrates everyone connected to the issue.

If I tell my 3-year old we’ll go for a bike ride, but then I follow up just one more “pressing” email, no one is happy. If I tell Su I’ll pick her up from the train but let a meeting run over, I’ve failed to make a clear choice and face competing claims for the same time.

This is, of course, a dead end. Or worse, a head-on collision.

I’ve been told that the consequence of equally attractive choices is uncertainty of purpose, which of course sows confusion and conflict. One can argue about which of these comes first – equally attractive choices or uncertainty of purpose – but I don’t think it matters.

In all cases, we are pointed back to finding perspective and priorities. And, in one of the most difficult aspects of prioritization, clarity on what we will not do, particularly in the moment.

In seeking perspective and reaching balance, I very much believe we must make time to take care of ourselves physically. I perform much better with solid sleep, healthy(-ish) eats and regular exercise. Yes, it takes time to do these things, but I find I get more time back through significantly improved focus, energy and just generally feeling better.

For me, these things also work together. When I do them all regularly, the benefit aggregates and is obvious. The opposite is also true: If I don’t get enough sleep, the first thing to be eliminated is exercise. I also drink more coffee, and the vicious circle is in full swing.

Very much related to taking care of ourselves, I’m returning to meditation. I’ve practiced off and on for 35 years. Without a doubt, I have better perspective and balance when I am meditating regularly.

So, this is what works for me. Or what I’m working on making work for me; it’s far from a prescription and will never be a foolproof remedy.

When I take a productivity class or read an article on time management, my goal isn’t to completely remake my combination of practices and habits. This will never work for me. Rather, my goal is to find one thing I can take and try as part of my larger solution.

I try it, and it helps, or it doesn’t. But I keep working to improve my collection of practices in finding perspective and maintaining balance.